Sasei
by Sallie A. Walker
Summary: She lived in turmoil all her life. Then he came, from the same drudges of life she was in. Intrigued by one so similar to herself, she sought to liberate him from his darkness, not knowing in doing so she’d liberate herself. H/M


**Title: **Sasei  
**Fandom: **Yu Yu Hakusho  
**Genre: **General/Romance(?)  
**Rating: **T (nothing really bad mentioned besides her past, but rated just to be safe)  
**Summary:** She lived in turmoil all her life. Then he came, from the same drudges of life she was in. Intrigued by one so similar to herself, she sought to liberate him from his darkness, not knowing in doing so she'd liberate herself.

A/N: Sasei means rebirth, taken from Mukuro's theme song. I go mostly by the anime in this story, and not by the manga (heck, I've decided to stop buying them after the 9th manga). The first and bigger part of the story is all a flashback, and a telling of her life's story. The present is actually the fight between her and Hiei in the 109th episode. If you haven't watched it (or forgotten what it was about), I suggest you do before reading this.

There's no dialogue between them, even in the fight, until the end. That's because I want to bring out more of her thoughts, instead of the action and everything. I'm thinking about doing a one-shot like this just for Hiei, but that won't happen anytime next week, since I'm going to a camp.

And one more thing—the last thing Hiei says in this story is not the English dub in the anime. It's a roughly translated version of the Brazilian Portuguese dub by Morgan D. (kudos for her contributed interpretation to the highly complex persona of Mukuro). I thought it'd suit the situation a whole lot better than the actual English dubbing.

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. If I did, I'd be racking millions and not care about writing fanfictions anyway.

Key:

ki- energy

kitsune- fox demon

Makai- Demon World

What I have here is just the stuff I picked out that the general public might not understand. If there's any more, comment or contact me.

* * *

She called herself Mukuro. It's meaning signified corpse, a dead body. She was never given a name by a loving mother or father, and she was cheated of a childhood as well. All she was was a corpse, without a soul to make it alive. All that was in her was an unquenchable hate.

She couldn't count the centuries… the years spent roaming alone ...the number bodies that fell to her wrath as she sought to satisfy her hate. None of the limp, lifeless bodies seemed to justify the wrong that had been dealt to her, the wrong that would never seem to escape from her memory. Every night she dreamed the same dream, felt the grubby, disgusting hands on her, heard the loud, rumbling laugh. Every night she'd wake up, sweating, with renewed hate in her cold blue eyes.

Yet it was hate that had first given her rebirth. In the years from birth to the day she broke free from her cell, she was slave to the man she thought was her father. She detested the way he touched her, and put his hands on her body. After he had his pleasure, he had her thrown back in the cell, until he needed to her to appease his desires again. Her desire to be free of his touches was strong. So strong that she was willing to expend the right side of her body to escape them.

The instant she poured the acid on her body, the instant her screams of pain rent the air, she knew she was reborn. She would be free of the touches that she hated so much. And one day, she'd make sure of it, she'd be free from the prison that held her to this place.

She remembered the cold night air against her cheeks as she ran as fast as she could away from the castle. She knew that in the morning her pursuers would come, and she'd be back in that prison, for good. Her feet stumbled to a stop as she saw she was at the edge of a cliff. Below was a rushing river, with sharp jagged rocks. Without so much as thinking of the dangers, she threw herself off of it.

Somehow she survived the fall, and didn't drown. She was washed up ashore on a slab of rock, and woken up in the cold dark. The first thing she had noticed were her shackles. Though she attempted to break them on the rock before her again and again, they still remained intact. They would still be for years to come, until she had the strength to break them. Even then, she still kept one intact, reminding herself that she was still connected to her past.

In her early days shortly after her freedom, she had went from town to town, looking for some place to stay, some unwanted bread to eat. Each time she had seen, heard some person's revulsion at the sight of her half-ruined body as the door shut in her face. This only filled her with more anger and unappeasable resentment.

No one ever really taught her how to fight. She picked both weapon and skills along the way. Even her feelings she found a way to channel to her fighting abilities. It was her inborn need to survive that motivated her, at first. She had begun killing to meet that purpose… to buy another day… another week… soon she found herself a whole group of followers, and a reputation of the most ruthless killer Makai has ever seen. Her reputation earned herself a face-to-face fight with Raizen, the most feared demon in all of Demon World, and king of a sizeable portion of land. After a strenuous, completely exhausting, not to mention fruitless fight, she went off and made her own kingdom. When it was unnecessary to constantly keep a look out for attackers, and her kingdom met Raizen's equal in size, she began to have the time to think back on the hate that had begun her life anew and taken her to where she was today. And she knew her life was ending because of it as the hate consumed her from the inside.

After almost three centuries since the formation of her kingdom, she was given a peculiar gift. It was a hirui stone, a koorime tear gem from one of the tribe leaders of a piece of territory that she conquered. Knowing this stone to be extremely valuable, she kept it in her stomach for safekeeping, not knowing that this stone was to keep her safe from her all-consuming hate for the years to come. And then, that was when she heard of _him_.

She had heard first heard of Hiei from his reputation as an infamous thief and killer in the northwestern part of her territory. She had shelved the thought 'infamous… killer' in her mind, and brushed off the rest. She'll let him have his bloodbath for now, and call him to pay his dues when the time came (on pain of death). She knew she'd need someone like him when her conquest for all of Makai began.

She heard of him again, when Kirin gave her an account of his astonishing reappearance (in a most astonishing spectacle that Demon World has ever seen) after a year and a half. She chose to recruit the same demon, knowing kitsunes were not to be trusted. Humans were not even to be considered.

She pitted him in the same exact training she faced back in those days: survival. Sometimes she would come by the training hall, and stop to listen to his feelings and dreams as his consciousness had all but screamed for her to hear. It was a strange but comforting feeling… knowing that someone had gone through experiences just as hard as your own. And she was intrigued. After an approximate six months, she decided to come visit Hiei herself.

Meeting him in person was quite interesting. He had courage, and independent thought—something that she found most of her men lacked. But he lacked determination. Even when she was still less than a hundred years, it would've taken her less than three months to wipe them all out. No, the main problem was internal. And for some reason, she was compelled to find out why.

Just as she was compelled to do so, she was the same in revealing her own dark secret at last to one that could understand. She intended to do so over time and in private by making him her second in command. To do this, she had brought along one of her generals to fight him, not knowing that the two were already acquainted. She learned more, and was more certain in her decision. She had sent Hiei a telepathic message, telling him he had the upper advantage, if he would simply fight with the same purpose he did when avenging his friend's death.

For his own reasons, or without reasons, he failed. She had used her powers as an empath to find out, laying her hands on his chest. And somehow, she knew. She couldn't lose someone whose consciousness was so close to hers. The reason she still strived to live was because of that, that knowing that someone had went through the same things she did. So she returned the favor. She had given him her own consciousness.

As she unwrapped the bandages from her head, she had began speaking to him, telling him her own terrible past. Just as she saw him truly as he was, it was only fair that he saw her truly for what she was. As she stood, completely disrobed and baring every last detail of her marred body, she knew somewhere inside that she finally came to terms with her physical disfigurement, a piece of her past.

Her conquest never came to fulfillment, not even to a start. Hiei's friend had suggested a tournament instead to decide the ruler of Demon World instead. As surprising as it was, she had nothing to lose. She had wanted to take Demon World to preserve its natural state, and even if she died in the tournament, Demon World would take care of itself. She made sure she stated her agreement aloud so Yomi could hear her, with all his six ears and all in tune with everything a mile around him.

Soon the young human's Tournament was launched. It was obvious that she and Hiei would eventually meet in combat. They were both too good to be beaten in any prior match. And her instinct was sure of it as well.

Then before too long, their match came. She knew that fights carry out events as they would. Yet she had a fervent desire not to kill him, not so soon. Even if she was already dead, she could still save him. He had a sister, and friends. The type of friends she knew she would never have. She could try to let him see a more fulfilling perspective in life before it was his time. As much as she was motivated to win, she felt the urge to do this. Torn between two purposes, she was uncertain of her path.

For the outcome of the fight itself, she could do nothing. Now, as the announcement gave her the command to go to her next fight, she wiped every thought, every memory clear from her mind has she hardened her eyes and made her face impassive. Walking towards the door, she thought of nothing, facing only the match itself…

Hiei was already out in the arena, saying he'd rather cut to the chase and wait there than have some automated announcer to tell him to. She had been amused, telling him he was free to do so. Now as they faced each other in the arena, faces devoid of emotion, they waited for the announcer's command to start.

She saw him unsheathe his katana, in one quick fluid motion. Instead of crouching into fighting stance herself, she simply stood there. Somehow, that other purpose called her to know if he had changed his mind. Asking, she had received the answer she expected, but she didn't expect the surge of emotion that came afterwards. Nor her flat rejection of his words. It was when she repeated her words back at the dungeon training hall that she realized that even though she hadn't chosen, somehow the choice was already made for her.

She dodged every stroke of his blade, blocked every blow. She knew beforehand that she was to be his Grim Reaper. Yet her new cause told her she would not take him before he had developed a newer sense of purpose in his life. During the fight they kept up their own mental debate. Hiei goaded her for not putting forth all her power. Incensed, she gave him a taste as she sent him flying with her fist into the steep mountain rock a mile back. After falling down the side some forty-fifty feet, he got up, and began summoning the Darkness flames. The action made her think. As he summoned, she commented on the irony that he was not completely ice apparition, not completely fire. He replied that his existence was his curse, and his given purpose no more than to consume all else with the fire of his hate.

It was as if someone slapped her. Hate. A common word that she went by so many times when referring to her own purpose in life. She somehow knew that wasn't to be his purpose. She knew she had to make him see that he had something worth living for besides that.

She remembered seeing his eyes, the crimson red pupils that seemed so forlorn and dejected, yet masked themselves with constant hate. The eyes that wanted something in life, wanted to _belong _to something. She made sure that he heard that message as their shots of ki connected and both he and she were pulled together by their power.

It was a stalemate. She had made sure of that too, exerting only enough energy to match his, and not overpowering him or let herself be defeated. Yet his own energy was draining, while she was not affected by very much.

She knew that he was growing desperate when he started using sheer physical strength instead of his flames. Blocking all of his blows with the back of her arm, she thought of the next message she would give him during this chance moment. As she learned from experience, men listened well when they were desperate.

She remembered about his Jagan eye. Hadn't he paid for it with unreckoned pain, to look for the things that mattered to him in life? She knew the possible dangers of him using it in this battle, but it didn't matter to her. Even if he continued fighting, he would still reach the corner where he couldn't escape confronting what his real meaning in life was. All she had to do was push him towards it.

As her hands cut through the air, she thought wryly to herself how long it's been since she's used this technique. The first time she did was during a combat with a slave-holding lord. Her anger in the fight was heavily-fueled, and as the fight continued, she grew stronger and stronger. Without knowing what she was doing, her hand made a cutting motion through the air, and to her shock, a shining line appeared through the demon. The demon screeched as the line seemed to electrify him, and then tore him in two. The two halves of his corpse sizzled as they dropped to the ground.

But this time, she intended to use this technique to free, and not kill. She made the last of her cuts through the air, trapping both she and Hiei in a shining dome. As Hiei looked to his left and right, she lifted her hands, summoning control of the cuts she made as he jumped to escape them.

Watching as Hiei's attempt at escape turned painful and unsuccessful, she knew that he knew he was cornered. As he knelt on the ground panting from exertion, she sent him another telepathic message. From here on, she could no longer help him.

He was going to unleash his Dragon. So be it. Even though she could easily parry him before, she wasn't going to be able to avoid his dragon. It's not that she wouldn't be able to defeat him even with it. She simply realized, at this point, that she had to kill him or be killed. To let him kill her would be to turn her back on everything she ever believed in. To kill him would be the biggest shame—as if she were going to kill a self that has just found true purpose. The only way to confront it was to let fate run its course and embrace the inevitable.

It came fast. Before she had much time to set up a stronger barricade than what she simply could in a few seconds, she found her barrier broken and herself straining against the closing maw of the dragon.

Her ki served as padding between her and the incinerating flame of the dragon, but the heat was still exceedingly strong. She found herself sweating profusely as she struggled to keep the jaws from closing.

Five thousand years worth of fighting. Five thousand years of survival, of blood and sweat, and here she was about to lose to a demon that's not even bothering to live that long to know the importance. A demon that's willing to throw away everything to meet death. She deserved more credit than that. And yet…

What is important? During all those years she had fought, she had never really bothered to answer this. It was only the recent years after the hirui stone was in her possession that she actually took the time to ponder this. Fighting was not important. It had drained away half a millennia of her life, and gave her nothing but more fuel to the fire that was burning herself away.

She was dying… no, she was already dead. She was already dead from the day of her birth. Then what was her purpose?

Because if he could still find purpose in life, then she would rather _him_ be the Grim Reaper instead.

She felt it even in the fraction of a second. Hiei's Dragon was lessening its power. In an instinctive reaction, a surge of power she could not control ripped through her, and she tore the dragon in two.

The rest of the dragon ripped away like shredding paper. She saw his eyes widen, realizing the significance of what just happened. There was nothing she could do. The deed was done.

As she began dropping towards the ground, she saw the blast hit him full force. He too was lifted up in the air, and fell, almost as in slow motion. Some type of feeling had also coursed through her in that instant. A feeling of pain. And for the first time, it was meant for another.

She landed on her feet. Hiei was still lying motionless on the ground. Normally when a demon lied dead she would just turn her back and walk away. But… she kept on watching him, waiting for him to move, to show he was alive.

His back muscles twitched. Slowly, he raised his head, and looked at her. She looked back at him. They were both alive.

She heard herself speak.

"Now I am satisfied. Thank you."

She wasn't even sure if he knew that she was referring to the question she asked before the fight.

Hiei pushed himself up.

"In truth, every time you've summoned that dragon, you weren't strong enough to control it consciously," she continued. "It could only feed off the intentions of your soul."

She remembered that fraction of a second that the power of the Dragon withdrew its power, by the slightest bit. There was no other conclusion than that Hiei had finally found at least a new purpose in life. Her task has been completed.

"You've lost. Your flame couldn't hurt me."

"Hn. I accept that. And all that it means."

A long silence stood between them as both he and she pondered the meaning of the fight.

She remembered the last part of his statement.

"Please Hiei, don't tell me your only purpose in life is someday defeating me," she paused, and decided to go on. "I don't think that I can bear it."

Hiei was looking at her, usual contempt and bitterness gone from his face. Instead, it was replaced with a strange look that she couldn't fathom.

"No... Mukuro. You've just missed the point."

Somehow, she felt relief from that.

She then noticed he was looking at her shackles. Raising them up to her view, she noticed the first shining cracks.

Shock coursed through her, accompanied by a mixture of strong emotions. The shackles resembled the past that had always clung to her, that she thought she would never be rid of. And now…

"Now you can leave your hatred in the past where it belongs. Now you don't have to be shackled to it anymore."

She looked up to see Hiei pointing at her shackles, and intent crimson eyes directed towards her and a firm certainty in his voice.

The sounds of more cracking metal distracted her. She looked down to see her shackles completely break and fall to the ground. The shackles that once binded her so closely to her past were now just pieces of metal lying on the ground, harmless.

Now… there was a barely perceptible idea. She could be free. Free of the past that haunted her every night in her dreams. Every waking moment. As inconceivable as the idea was to her… she had to admit, now it seemed possible. A barely detected, yet genuine smile graced her lips.

Hiei spoke again.

"All hatred is water under the bridge now. You have no need of those. It's still too soon for us to throw everything away. What do you think of that?"

She nodded.

Suddenly Hiei started stumbling forward, as if tired out by the fight. She caught him with one arm, giving him her shoulder to rest on. Another silence came, as she and he thought to themselves. She had tried her best to give him new purpose in her life, and she had succeeded. Yet at the same time, she had found new purpose as well. Without knowing it, they both had helped each other find new meaning in life, after long years of turmoil. And finally, they found not rest, nor solace. It was something else. Rebirth.

* * *

A/N: So, the usual. R&R, please, and thank you x). (…I might be even more motivated to write Hiei's story if enough of you do ;3. )


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